Usui Ryoho Reiki 2 Okuden
Marka Kondrateva,
Art Therapist, Photographer, Lecture.
When I was a child, I felt what I needed to feel and I followed my gut and I planned only from my imagination. I was wild until I was tamed by shame. Until I started hiding and numbing my feelings for fear of being too much. Until I started deferring to others' advice instead of trusting my own intuition. Until I became convinced that my imagination was ridiculous and my desires were selfish. Until I surrendered myself to the cages of others' expectations, cultural mandates, and institutional allegiances. Until I buried who I was in order to become what I should be. I lost myself when I learned how to please.
Sobriety was my painstaking resurrection. It was my return to wild. It was one long remembering. It was realizing that the hot electric thunder I felt buzzing and rolling inside was me - trying to get my attention, begging me to remember, insisting: I'm still in here.
So I finally unlocked and unleashed her. I set free my beautiful, rowdy, true wild self. I was right about her power. It was too big for the life I was living, so I systematically dismantled every piece of it.
Then I built a life of my own.
I did it by resurrecting the very parts of myself I was trained to mistrust, hide, and abandon in order to keep others comfortable:
My emotions
My intuition
My imagination
My courage
Those are the keys to freedom
Those are who we are
Will we be brave enough to unlock ourselves?
Will we be brave enough to set ourselves free? Will we finally step out of our cages and say to ourselves, to our people, and to the world: Here I Am.